life occasionally likes me

not because i got anything right

but because i didn't get anything wrong

cause i didn't have any idea

what was going on here

to admit you are afraid

to admit you are afraid

is to admit you are afraid


have forgotten the rest

as i so often do

to accept the cure

is to put the doctor out of business

which was not the plan

when all that money was spent

on his education

this and that

we are all a different blend of this and that

but essentially we are the same

a new post

and their ain't no such thing

wanting

the dumbest thing we do

and the source of great suffering


wanting interferes with being

a human wanting

is not the same as a human being


religion and capitalism have been a trap for us

we the people

we are working for money and salvation

and salvation can't be earned

salvation can only be embraced

salvation is free

as is life


this place is called the land of the free

but that is not what i see

we do so like to separate ourselves

which has lead to our downfall


upfall may be an option

once i was hope full

not so much anymore

what i have yet to face

now that is an interesting option


and perhaps it might be true


there's that it word again

hey girl

and some of you guys


you are trying to mug me

and i was mugged before you were born

a girl i know

is presenting herself as a submissive girl

and i ain't buying it


it is a really stupid word

as is that


this and that and it

are obviously forms of rejection

as are them and they

face yourself

all i know to say


perhaps the only way to be


if i have faced my fears

you won't be able to scare me with them


if i am hiding from my fears

you have something to use on me

and perhaps influence my behavior

fear and pride

probably the two scariest words

in the human language

fear

the one thing humans don't talk about


and not facing their fears

makes them victims

of those that manipulate fears


fear is only a problem

if you claim to not have any

pride

a terrible word


and to serve that bitch

is to suffer greatly


as i have learned so many times


and time is of no value at all

but i didn't yet know that


and that ain't really there


which really confused me

being

seems to be the greatest gift of all

and no one gets a vote


or even wants one


one is a very small word


and life is all that is

the clock says almost midnight

and am still up


not sure what that means yet

courage

a false god to me


i have never even been a little brave


getting drunk and acting silly don't count

the capitalist

the one thing i liked about him (or her)

was the efficiency


the one thing i didn't like

was the narrowness

right

don't know what right is


i mostly live by what feels acceptable to me

am not sure what that means


yet that is all i have

and still don't feel like i have anything


am pretty sure "having" is not valid


being is as far as i have gotten so far

and such is pretty scary sometimes

learned something about computers the other day

if you do one two three four five

you won't be able to do seven

if you haven't done six


computers do have their limitations

but life not so much


that's crap lewis

life has endless limitations


such is why life is so limitless

i still like getting drunk

and just running off at the mouth


sometimes thought i would grow out of that stuff


which made me a little sad


no one in their right mind

would want to grow up


no one in their right mind

would want


and i don't know what right means


and am becoming less interested in finding out


out don't sound like a very fun word to me

it seems to me

that we take ourselves far too seriously

which is distorting us (we the peep hole)

very seriously


we are becoming a threat to ourselves


and we are the people


and most i have blamed the politicians and the cops

and mostly the capitalists

who they worked for

and considered myself blameless

which was incorrect

i my case

which way will the wind blow tomorrow

to speak truthfully

i don't know


and on my better days

i don't care

the gemini capricorn conduit

seems to me to be 

after that it gets kind of scary 

cause i am not sure what i see

is really real

i make up a lot of stuff when i am insecure

to make me feel better

and now i think i may have really messed up

or maybe found the way

mostly i just wonder

and no longer seek knowing

which i now know to be a figment of my imagination

and i just claimed to know something

round and round we go

neanderthals

it appears to me

that we are a bunch of neanderthals

trying to act like we know what we a doing


and mostly to justify our cruelty to ourselves

and therefore to others

he who has questioned the way

and he who has not questioned the way

shall perhaps meet in the middle


maybe

standing in the halls of heaven

in the midst of so many wondering about hell


silly ideas can so infect the mind


and truth with no idea

courage

an evil bitch

that no one would embrace

and the great curse of our time


everyone is afraid of fear

and that is how fear wins


being brave won't help

the native population tried that


fear is the final frontier



kind of like facing you mean old uncle

who never liked you very much

and was pissed off about something

and one wondered if he knew you had had sex with his niece


and a couple of his cousins

and two of his sisters

all that is and is not

my word for god

demockracy

they say we get to choose

they say we should choose

they say we must choose



but what if choosing is not your way


choosing this or that

will deprive one of all that is

to run through the woods

to run through the woods

is one thing

to walk through the woods is an other

the retarded child

it's only problem can be

not accepting being retarded


or perhaps misdiagnosed

by the idiots that run this place


run is the clue

heaven

the three most popular religions

are selling that stuff

and doing pretty well


not sure what to say about that


except that heaven ain't for sale


or trade


commerce is the trade of the very small man

who wishes to become greater

and mostly just becomes smaller

and will drag us down with him

if we permit that situation

the neighborhood is quieting down

haven't heard any gunfire in weeks

maybe they are reloading

or maybe the war is over

now wouldn't that be something

all this killing and repression can't be good for us

and the united states has done so much of that stuff

as have so many others


oh lord

will we ever learn

and life is the only lord i know

as i can


and it probably ain't some weird guy

acting so important

or some silly girl

acting so important

and probably all of the above

and all of the below

courage

that which abandoned me

long ago


long before i got to this body

trying hard

a rather sad place to be

the last time i got fired

it cost me a job

that i was getting tired of

have always been lazy

except when i was inspired

The Essential Chuang Tzu

a good book

i liked it

the sacred trust

does exist in our time

tho rarely affirmed


in our time truth is mostly an embarrassment

and doesn't pay well

and will usually get you fired

or a trip to divorce court

which is a more expensive way of getting fired

they think and hope

they have found emilia earheart

know i didn't spell that right


they have probably found a japanese fighter plane

they are scattered all over the pacific

after the great war


and greater wars are to come

cause we just won't learn from our mistakes


we are having too much fun making them

to look at them

The Sacred Pipe

a book about how life once was

making decisions for the children

that should be minimal at best

maybe a little early on

but never sustained

each must find their own way

which is mostly not permitted in our time

and great chaos is upon the land


the natural order is no longer respected

and the planet and us creatures

are paying a pretty terrible price

which will only get worse

if we don't see what we are doing


a well trained child

does not turn into a free being


being is the clue

acting a certain way is a curse

if it becomes a lifestyle

life is not a lie

life is an affirmation

the antichrist

antichrist means antilife to me

and it's been upon the land for a long time now

and the christians are still waiting and hoping


jesus died a long time ago

as we all shall in our own time

mind

life is more real

when our mind isn't made up

i don't know

is becoming my favorite phrase


truthfulness can be a harsh mistress sometimes

depending on who you are speaking to

punishment

life does not punish

people have learned to punish

parents punish

governments punish

the three most popular religions punish

or promise punishment

some of us have learned how to punish our selves


life has nothing to do with punishment


reward and punishment are just tools of the control freak

and serving a control freak is a real bummer

what the girl told me

mostly the girl hasn't said anything

she just looked at me


but a while back

she told me


this may be hard

chief black elk

have been reading his words again

and the only goal

is to face ourselves


and goals is a very dangerous game to play

hey sugar

if your going to pass on life

your going to have to pass on me


and i made that as hard as i could

cause that's my nature

how can we love

that part of our self that we hate


completeness is a harsh mistress


wholeness leaves no thing out


and all things in


and all that other stuff that makes no sense

but is

courage

a really harsh mistress

don't serve her much anymore

the rain

life ain't so much fun

in oklahoma

if the rain goes away too long


and probably some other places

mission impossible

sometimes seems the story of my life

love and hate

if we can't embrace both what we love and what we hate

about our selves

a great convulsion will come upon the land

and sweep us all away

cause we are just trash

i tried mary wanna for a while

that didn't go anywhere


the girls just want

and they hardly ever share anything

too bored to drink anymore

and too bored to go to bed

what a place to be

usually i drink a little more

autism

how humans are responding to children

and all the chemicals we are exposed to

is probably where autism is coming from

letting the computers do all the work

first it makes you lazy

and then it makes you dumb

thinking you know

perhaps the greatest curse of all

and they wonder why i am crying

but i don't

poetry

has been gone from me for a while

knowing

a very little place to be

if the trash man likes you

you are probably doing ok


how we put out the trash

says a lot about who we are

the united states of america

the native populations worst nightmare

and now mine


they teach the girls not to be girls

and to buy their trinkets


just can't be a big fan of that stuff


am also not a fan of all these religions

that claim to know what i should be doing

or the capitalists who tell we what i should buy

or the lawyers who serve them so well

or the cops who enforce the laws

or those clowns that make them


and the girls are sacred

in spite of how they sometimes act


not even a fool would lie to the girls

comments

not so many of those

the truth of my self

now that changes the whole field of play

money

whoever came up with that crap

was an evil bastard

or maybe just ignorant

and all caught up in selfishness


the control freaks rule in our time

but all times pass


when people don't be with people

selfishness comes into play


wanting is the curse of our time

we no longer embrace and nurture ourself

and all our selves


wanting is a form of rejection

and self pity

as is anger which is soon to follow


the creatures of the field

those that we call animals

are far superior to humans in our time

and no threat to our little planet

as we humans have become


progress is a very dangerous game to play

and only embraced by those who don't know how to live


and now fear and shame

and their offspring pride

engulfs the land

and a some point

we all crumble into dust

The Essential Chuang Tzu

translated and edited by

Sam Hamill

and J. P. Seaton

gordon lightfoot

i've got a hundred more like you

but don't be blue

i'll have a thousand 'for i'm through


actually only had 27

but i tried


not so much anymore

now i only be with who will be with me


speaking only for myself

and not gordon

am not qualified to do that


and i don't mug girls any more


sometimes they still try to mug me

and i just watch


heaven seems to be a far away place

and not so close to me

there is up stairs

and there is down stairs


and a lot of stuff in between


and self is all we ever get to be


and no body gets a vote

the last time truth came around

the last time truth came around

i lied



as for the next time

we shall see

krisnamurti

i never really understood him


but in some sort of way i heard him


still not quite sure what that means



that is a weird word to me

winning and losing

most people today want to win


and a lot of people want to lose

and just get it over with


some people are not quite sure what to do


and then there is the rest of us

and i never thought a girl like you

could like a guy like me

hi sugar

adore

for some it is their nature to adore

and sometimes there is so little worthy of adoration

was kind of scared to be afraid

and not sure what else to be

other

an interesting word

not so sure other actually exists

the other side of me

if i can't face the other side of me

i will never be able to face my self

being with the body

not sure if i have anything more to say about that

but i usually do

assuming

assuming we know anything

can be dangerous

and usually very disappointing


mostly we have no awareness

of what we are actually doing


but we sure like acting like we do


i know i don't know

but mostly can stay open to what i don't know

and just keep up as i can

the courage to face me

in our own time

in our own way

is all there is for me


in our own time

in our own way


and being sorry

is just a product of trying to be right

promises

perhaps the greatest curse of our time

and there are so many


no one in their right mind would promise anyone anything

because life has yet to be determined

and we are not in charge


although so many claim to be

or claim to know who is


i just can't buy that crap

my advice

i don't know if you or i will win or lose

winning and losing is not the point of the game

my advice is

be who you are

not who you think you might be

or who you wish you were

or any other such nonsense


be who you are


i know such is not permitted even from childhood in our time

but life seems to require such things

and life is what we actually are

life is not a thing

but life is all things


what we are

is all we can ever be

and perhaps sometimes not be

for a while

courage

a blind mans fantasy

and the free mans curse

the shadow of a man

so far

the best i have managed to be

manage is the clue


life doesn't need a manager

yet we have so many


we is the clue

being lost

so many claim not to be


am not one of those


and some part of me is grateful

desires

tend to become very important to us humans in our time

has been my experience

and i am afraid to want anything

and i don't much like feeling afraid


bleep  bleep   bleep

and all that other stuff


being born here as been


actually not sure what to say about that


words seems so little


kind of like serving leftovers to your friends

wanting

now that would be a word to understand

wanting

the greatest curse of all time

and i mean what i just said


wanting is perhaps the greatest curse of all

and all is a lot

courage

as i have said before

courage is a false god

it claims to have no fear


fear is what we must face

to be free of fear

as long as we run from our fears

we are ruled by them

how it once was

as long a we make comparisons to past experiences

we are comparing a past moment to this moment

and life is always now


the past is only a part of us for a while


and most of us probably take the past far too seriously

has been my experience

we want yesterday things again

or don't want yesterday things again

and mostly we didn't even notice yesterday


have managed to get me pretty drunk tonight


even when we wish to step away from life

life never seems to step away from us

and is sometimes in pursuit of us


when life starts avoiding us

we are in real trouble

pride

no one in their right mind

or even wrong mind

would want to serve that bitch


shame is much closer

to the truth we most must face


those of us that were afraid of pride

and those that weren't

this is what we share

i drink

which often makes me forgetful

which is probably why i drink

although it didn't seem like that at the time

i was just wondering

praises sing

praises sing and night bells ring
all around this precious thing

places and faces and midnight races
all the while the nomad braces

more and more the onslaught rages
in the wind all ripped out pages

find me now  -  oh lord of love
we seek and pray thy long lost dove

will peace upon the land yet stand
must heart still face the burning brand

on and on the rage does rush
the bonds of shame a mighty crush

still the flame  -  it has not died
tho bled and fed on brutal pride

so far we hold the beach head slightly
no longer bold and brave and mighty

battered troops once fresh and rested
now reel and waver  -  nearly bested

the hope that once so filled the heart
still lives  -  yet in the smallest part

tho battered  -  scarred and mortal weary
at dawn we stand to face the fury

no longer brave we could be called
but no  -  in truth we shall not fall

to twisted minds that rule this land
with whip and chain in brutal hand

we will not yield the sacred trust
nor feed upon the moldy crust

which the beast does offer gladly
all inflamed and grinning madly

tho tattered rag  -  thy flag once proud
and bleeding feet  -  tho head unbowed

we face the dawn with shining faces
of doubt and fear there are no traces

for in thy time each heart does know
as life moves on its sacred flow

the soul of man will see the light
and move beyond this endless night

the whisper that i dimly hear
does speak that time may yet be near

oh yes  -  the force does feel some stronger
the soul cries out  -  not too much longer

the love long sought by this small band
does in truth feel near at hand

the stirring the the heart grows stronger
raging pain i feel no longer

the mission tho still unfullfilled
will be complete as life has willed

and light yet fill the hardest heart
and love shall reach the darkest part

in time the sorrows past will fade
and truth regain the world it made

for as the story does unfold
eternal love each heart will hold


pretty hokey stuff

it seems to me

but i still kind of like it


the poetry thing happened back in the 80's

to serve life

the only worthy goal

yet for most of us

including myself

we only serve ourselves

and what we consider

our own best interests

which makes us capitalists a heart

and a part of the great selfishness

which is so popular in our time

and the great insecurity

that goes with that attitude

the fear of loss

the fear of losing

what we think we have gained


awareness is not a product of thought

and thinking is of no value at all

and mostly just a curse

that one of our ancestors came up with

a long time ago

and was passed along to us


we do like thinking we know

which is the greatest delusion of all


clinging to straws

is just another way of drowning

perhaps a little slower

but not all that much

tonight

tonight is the hottest day i have experienced

since i have been here

and the moon is full and bright

secrets

secrets are only a problem

when we are keeping them from our self


living a lie is a terrible way to be

always afraid

and running from the truth


welcome to the world i see

except the creatures of the field

and a few others


Truth

a simple word


I Am

a simple statement


and for most today

Truth hides behind a lie