just went out into a cold north wind
to smoke a little of a cigarette
haven't looked into the relationship for a while
started smoking when i was pretty young
almost all the grownups did
which is what we called the big people in charge
the next step was when i wanted to look cool
like those i seems to admire in some way
which at this point in time i see as some sort of envy
something they had that i wanted too
and i still don't know what that was
probably some sort of acceptance
just trying to fit in and seem normal
which was back when i thought normal was a real word
seems i was seeking something i lacked
there was something i wanted
i have no idea what that was
maybe i just felt alone
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