the secret

wouldn't it be great is there was one


the capitalists would win


but that ain't gone'a happen


cause life ain't a secret


maybe to those who want to know


wanting is a form of rejection

have mentioned this before

the last man standing

who the hell would ever want to be that


but some have been that


and some still do

hadn't really been being with myself for a while

but had convincensed myself that i had been


been is the clue

been is behind

now is in front


and pretty scary

if one is ashamed of ones self


i know all about that stuff


have never yet lived up to anyones dream


but i have been grinned at

broken stone

would have been my indian name

and i have had many


there was a time i wondered which name i like the most


i finally got over that


it took a bit of doing


am pretty drunk tonight

and having a pretty good time


am a big fan of pretty


and pretty picky in my own way


no longer believe in owning

but i tried


had something to say tonight

but it escaped me

courage

the last hope of the fearful

freedom

freedom is just a word

here in our time

in this land of submission and give in


there is more to life than that crap

if we are willing to live

and in our time to die


this is a transitory situation

and probably best not to be taken to seriously


my sister took this very seriously

and ain't having no fun at all


i like my sister

but she don't seem to like me


i kind of get that

in some sort of way


we all got our draw

and we don't actually get a vote

although we are being told we do

which i find absurd

and a down right lie

winning the game

or the war


of no value at all

here in the land of the lost

or anywhere else


peace is an option

but never achieved through aggression


war and violence and competition

just lead to more of the same


my opinions are of no value

and neither are yours


unless you actually see me

and i happen to see you


perhaps to sense

what we might have in common


common has been considered a lesser situation

for quite some time now


royalty is a harsh mistress

most of us are nothing

which is all we can ever be

it seems to me

if we're lucky

war

conflict and submission

that is what war is all about

that is what we call sports is all about

and we the spectators

seem to just watch

which is all we actually do

and watching life is not the same as living life

such is never never land

and not actually real at all

freedom

freedom cannot be earned

freedom is what we are

unless we reject what we are

and then we are lost

love

a simple word


and an experience

if one is not too selfish

kindness

we are all the same kind

and just a little different

such is the way of life


ours to embrace or ignore as we choose


and to choose is to lose the way

have actually experienced quite a lot of kindness

here in this land of tragedies and endless suffering

i don't know why that has been so

i never earned it

and never really felt like i deserved it

bewildered seems to be a natural state to me


awareness it not a product of thought

still just like saying that

thinking is of the land of the idiots

and those in charge of all this progress

are trashing the garden


for a time i was mad about that situation

mostly now am just tired and sad


have yet to see what tomorrow brings

kindness

not sure what that means either

but did experience some ones kindness today

he offered me water

am not sure why

he liked me for some reason

or perhaps for no reason

anger

to embrace anger is to suffer greatly

and to share such suffering with others

not much of a destiny

kindness is a virtue

not sure what virtue means

but it seems worthwhile

awareness is not a product of thought

i just like saying that

was an early clue

still think too much

but no longer seek anything from that quadrant


thought leads to eternal torment

has been my experience

and the thinker is so worshiped in our time


and the suffering is so great in our time


there is no peace to be found in thought

only chaos and confusion


the scientists are so fascinated with the brain

and it is only a junction box

and only mildly interesting


only a primate would be so fascinated by such little wonders


the physical form is a very small part of what we are

but considered such a wonderment in our time


girls fascinated me for a time

they were more of the truth than most of this world i existing in today

but very afraid to take part in their truth

has been my experience


science is a false god

as is democracy

and socialism

and communism

and consumerism

and capitalism

and endless other isms

and religions are the worst of all

they all want to tell us what we should be

and no one is qualified to to that


we are what we are

but only when we face ourselves truthfully

and truth is the harshest mistress of all

and love it's greatest gift

respond on demand

a lot of girls out there are pissed off because some guy demanded that

but when they decided to choose for themselves

they were doing the same thing to themselves

and to the guy they were annoyed with


vengeance is a real bitch

and those gay boys ain't ever going to be as good at that as the girls

but they try


and those guys that ain't being gay

are mostly suffering the same fate

man

if you haven't made a woman happy

your have failed at your destiny

and i don't mean giving her what she wants


and woman

is you haven't made a man happy

you have failed at your destiny

and i don't mean giving him what he wants


wants are a curse and of no value at all


what we are is far greater than all that crap

greed may be the greatest curse of all

was actually just guessing

but that could be true

selfishness sure don't seem to be to our advantage

and profit a very weak and sickly god

which always needs our money


which means we have power over profit takers

they need us to submit


and not submitting to the profit takers will

remains an option

as long as we don't seek a profit


life is a clue

i am mostly just confused

and life is

greed

perhaps the greatest curse of all

but there are so many


but here we are

and we are so many


we is a lot funner word than me

which is a very small word

we has a lot of potential


me has very little

has been my experience

wholeness is more than just me

ziet geist was a clue

and a pretty good one to me

and a few others i don't remember right now

facing life

doesn't take great courage

facing life takes a willingness to be

in all situations and circumstances


courage is a beast i once faced

and it almost destroyed me

in my youthful braveness and great courage


all that crap was a long time ago

and of no value at all

but i didn't know any better


and still don't


lost is perhaps how we find ourselves

if we can accept being lost

we have been lied to

from all directions

from the top and the bottom

perhaps our challenge is

do we respond to the lie truthfully

or just spout another lie

as we have been trained to do


and truth can be quite a bear to wrestle

if we seek our future in wrestling bears

money

money is not actually real


the way this works

is the federal reserve prints the pieces of paper

which it calls money

it gives it to the banks and says lend it to the people

for a profit

and we all get rich and have a lot of fun

the people are working for us now

and they think we are working for them


money ain't edible

and of no value to the creatures of the field

we humans have fallen far behind the way of life


perhaps to fall farther

depending on how we respond to our situation

i for one feel pretty overwhelmed by all this

but am still here and will get up tomorrow and do what i can

as i can

which probably won't be much

but i don't know what else to do

watched frontline tonight

a look at what has just happened

and how we the people just got screwed


the creation of money was the original ponzi scheme

how the game is played is a great crime against people

it seems to me

and i don't know what to do about that situation

am an old nobody

who doesn't know what to do about the mind fuck you and i are a product of

we have survived so far

but we are abused children

we have turned away from the natural world

and embraced an unnatural situation

which we were sold with such gusto

and here we are

we all have to choose for ourselves in our own time

and it appears that our ignorance is no excuse


so how do we be not so ignorant seems to be the question


acknowledging our ignorance is a start


i might wish to be young again

if the challenges weren't so great


i wish everyone well

we are all to blame in some way

it seems to me

until we aren't

and i don't know what that means

science

a lost art

and it was from the beginning


and perhaps the greatest curse of our time


we have no need for a new priesthood

that crap is just an illusion


and this particular priesthood

has the power to be a destroyer of worlds


science studies that which is visible

science studies the stuff of life

but ignores life


i guess because it can't be controlled

and can't be seen with a microscope

or even proven

although everywhere

wishing

a fools errand

as is praying

which is just another way of wishing

and hoping some god like power will make it so

pretty arrogant stuff if you are me

and i happen to be

little old me


me is a very small word

and of no value at all


all is the clue

the wife in this life

actually loves me


am probably the luckiest guy in the world


she sees me for who i am

and does not turn away


am not nearly as cute as i would like to be

but have gotten over wishing i was

love

a very unique word

and a word which cannot be explained

or even actually spoken of

but what it represents actually exists


and none can ever know the truth of what we are

for truth is far beyond what we are

but was here for a while

and a gift to us all

anger and hatefulness and greed and envy

will we humans ever get beyond such things

the creatures of the field

those that we call animals

have no such problem

and we look down on them

from our perch here in hell

where truth and freedom are relics of the past


have been trying to be nice for a long time now

but speaking of what i see truthfully

is kind of hard to do very kindly


what i see is not very nice

and the crimes against life so widespread

and i am also guilty in my own way

which i can live with

the united states

have no idea why the russians hit on this blog


that makes no sense to me

the modern scientist

considers the older ones of us so stupid

such is a great mistake

and the source of so much confusion


and great suffering

was a real hard case in my youth

as i could be


am getting over that stuff


am not so much that way anymore


maybe still a little


confessing is good for the soul

and i ain't a christian

or any other religious denomination


and certainly not a catholic or a muslim or a jew

and certainly not a baptist

or a capitalist

or any other idea of what we should be


am just a man

being here as he can

once i was an oklahoma gazette guy

that was a while ago

but i was there


got handcuffed at gun point while i was there

i still remember that day


we didn't turn out to be the criminals they were looking for


terri and i

the russians

am not sure why i get so many hits from there

something i said tonight

i know i'm a little early

but i might have forgotten


and i said that to jeffri

jeffri is a girl


and i will testify to that


have pretty seriously researched the girl quadrant


is my nature to do such things

i have a lot to say tonight

but for some reason

i know not why

i'm not going to

good

everybody got some idea about what good is

obviously truthfulness is not one of them

that has been trained out of us in most cases

and certainly frowned upon in our time

and we become more and more helpless

if your trying to understand yesterday

it means you weren't actually there yesterday

and if you weren't there

understanding is not possible


now is still an option

thinking

as soon as you think you know

knowing becomes impossible

thought is retrospective

and of the past

life is of the now

he who holds the reins of the hounds from hell

seems to still like me

i don't know why


liking still  appeals to me


and me is a very small word

now

there ain't no now

there is just all the time


all is perhaps my favorite word


and i am obviously the word person


i just keep speaking words

i don't know why

i just do


i remind me of a girl i once knew

she didn't say much


but she was really their

and there

and i loved her then

as i do now

slippin and slidin

what life does best

the rational

and the insane

how do they co exist


reflections is a clue


is ain't a very bright word

some one once wondered

why the woman i live with and i get along so well

but never said such words out loud


i could have said

if they had been asked

we don't tell each other what to do

or who to be


she is my friend who i have no desire to rule

and she no longer desires to rule me

truth

so many today consider truth to be

what they feel

or how they feel about what they feel

or what they think about what they feel

and often what they wish they were

or were not


truth is what we are

or perhaps where we actually are

am not sure just what the words should be

words can never be more than a finger pointing

as the one some call buddha once said


words are of little value if they are selling some thing

and life ain't a thing

but life is also all things


my self is bigger than me

that was an early very confusing clue


i have mostly felt pretty small


and the so called lawmakers seem to want me to stay that way

and the preachers

and the teachers

and the cops

and the robbers

and the makers of all those commercials and ads

they all want my money or my sweat

usually both


willing to be what life made us to be

without all our hopes and wishes and dreams and fears

or any ideas at all

is the only validity is see in what ever we actually are


ideas are only figments of our imaginations

and how we our selves or other selves mislead us


leaders are of no value at all


to follow an other is to be lost

unless you are not lost

and just following some one you find interesting

and not just wishing to prey on them

or pray on them


perhaps willing to share your self with them

if the they part of you was willing

most of the liars

don't know they are

which makes them so dangerous

they speak so truthfully

from the misunderstanding they worship


knowing is not the same as believing

and knowing is just keeping up with truth

which never stands still

and can never be grasped

and certainly not bought or sold


truth is forever free

and can never be controlled

which is why truth is so unpopular in our time

as the word is so abused in our time

and so many others


so many claim to know the truth

and will sell it for our souls or our dollars

usually both and a lot more


a great lie is upon the land

and so few speak for life

which is forever a gift


a true gift is not that which can be earned

which is only slavery


earning is what the liars sell their slaves

some call it salvation

some call it making a living

i call it cruelty

and a crime against life

and life is sacred

no matter what the form

to judge another

those that feel qualified to pass judgement on an other

are going to have to explain their qualifications to me


and i will have to understand what they say

in a way i am capable of understanding

without just submitting to their fancy words


the preachers claim to be able to

as do the lawyers

and those that call themselves scientists

and believers

and christians

and jews

and good little capitalists

and good americans

and a whole lot of other stuff


i hear what i hear

and i see what i see

and what people want me to be

has got nothing to do with what i am


we all have to find our own way

and no one can teach me who i am


only life can provide that opportunity

and i have to we willing to learn for myself

tweeting

i don't tweet

and am really glad


that crap is just nonsense


and i sure as hell don't twitter


would recommend getting back to life

but would just be wasting my time and yours


tweet away all you sons of glory

and praise your self as you can

cause that is all you will ever get

living

living is keeping up with life

it ain't grabbing life

or getting life

or knowing life

and certainly not understanding life

living is being with life as life is

without resistance


maybe sometimes a little wonder

but only a little


to question life is to ignore life


life is the sacred trust

and the same for all


to exploit life is the curse of our time

and perhaps the greatest curse of all


sometime i wonder

why we are so afraid to see

what actually is


my best guess has been

that seeing the truth would destroy all our little dreams

and perhaps wake us up from the terrible nightmare we have created


most of us are not so good at the creator thing

has been my experience

we really aren't qualified for that situation

yet so many want to make life what they want it to be

and want is a lack of life

and not natural at all


life is a gift

and free to all


only those that reject life

can experience lack


no is why we suffer

as is know


yes is a living word

no is a dead word

thinking is the land of the lost

which leads to believing

which is a really dumb place to be


hope is an idiot mistress

as is believing

as great chaos is upon the land

and much suffering

being

being can never be knowing

knowing is past tense

and being is always now

which has no past


learning is not the same as living

and knowing is stone cold dead

submission

the system we are being victimized by in our time

requires almost complete submission

the parents

the churches

the schools

the jobs

all the rules and regulations

city and state and federal

and so many law enforcement agencies

and all those jail and prisons

and so many of these fools tell me this is the land of the free

they must think i'm an idiot


and some will be called autistic

the more passive ones who cannot submit

and can't defend their self

and just try to hide

truth

a place to be

or not to be

if we decided to choose

Truth

the scariest god of all

in our time

and the only god i see


truth is a brutal master

and the only kindness i have found in this placement

are you paying too much

the headline on our latest Consumer Reports


if you are paying

you are paying too much


and for most today

praying is another way of paying

i just can't go for that crap


hiding is just a slow way of dying

and we are slowly becoming the tragedy of our time


wanting is just another way to lose our self


that is a form of rejection


and rejection is an un-wholly act

and acting is not the way


truth is the only hope we have

and hope is of no value at all


 Truth Is

life made me this way

i had no choice


yet so many tried to convince me that i did

and their disappointment became a part of my life

running bear loved little white dove

with a love big as the sky

running bear loved little white dove

with a love that wouldn't die


an old song i still like

although running bare seems more accurate in our time

but they both work


nakedness is a gift


mostly today fear is our constant companion

and the girls suffer greatly

modern schools

are operated much like modern prisons

now that's a clue

just what are we being taught here

he or she who does not question

will never find the way

i like a good question

haven't said that out loud too many times

a new post

can't seem to sleep tonight

again


courage is of no value at all


a cripple is perhaps the best i will ever be

am pretty sure that's true


what else is there to be

natural

would anyone like to discuss that with me

thinking

the curse of the damned


and a downed right silly situation to get involved with


fear is a product of thought

and not at all natural

fear

a terrible mistress to serve

am no fan of that crap


giving up on being mean has been the goal for a while now


but always being honest and truthful

is not always easy has been my experience


then no one will like you

and that ain't no fun


have been a big fan of fun


fear always kind of scared me

for a while there

this blog

this blog has been here for several years

but i deleted most of those other years


actually all of them

it seems to me

life

life is a process of becoming


that which we call civilization is not


that has been my experience


it has been my experience

that civilization requires one to give up the process of becoming

and i just can't seem to submit to that crap

afraid

no one has been willing to mention just how afraid we are

and i just decided to mention that situation

because not facing ones fears

will leave one without ones self


fear is a great problem in our time

mostly because so many have fed upon carry on


carrion is the word i actually ment


dead meat

retarded

when the system in place

(and i am no fan of systems)

restricts nature and the natural order

as businesses and religions and government organizations do today

and for so long

the children will become restricted

and then retarded


freedom is more than the word it represents


we are often told we are free

but only as long as we play by the rules

that others have chosen for us


i don't call that situation freedom


i call it prison

with all these little entertainments

which are seriously lacking in substance and nutritional value


nurture is the root word of nutritional

adapting

some of us adapt pretty well

and some of us not so well


and what the scientists call autism is on the rise

freedom

there is very little freedom here

the government does not permit freedom

governments promote rules and regulations

which restrict freedom


some drugs are legal

and sold by huge industrial pharmaceutical corporations

which are here because the government permits such things


many of those that just grow in the forest are illegal

there is no profit for them there


i knew a guy back in the 80's who had a brain tumor

he lived downstairs from me for a while

he told me that all those pills and shots the doctors sold him

(he had good insurance)  did no good at all

marijuana was all that helped


and then he died a while later


and that is a true story

i was there


always assumed the girl he was with collected the insurance money

that's why she was there

and he was glad that was so

good night my friend

who ever you are

am tired now and going to go to sleep if i can

i smoke and drink

and still cuss sometimes

christians and muslims and jews

and most modern people

don't much care for me

but i still like life

and so far life still tolerates me

i don't know why

have a 1996 harley hugger

think that's the right year

it's yellow and really cool

would trade it for something smaller

used to ride a kawasaki 400

the harley is too heavy for me

am an old fart and not so strong anymore

1944 seems a long time ago

not sure if i could still ride a bike that small

but would try

if i were the richest man in the world

giving it all away

is the only job i can imagine


life is more than all this stuff


stuff is the clue


when we stuff our self and try to hide

we become dead

and of no value to all


if you die with any money in a bank

you may have to come back to this hell hole to spend it

unless life is having a pisces day


batman was a fun little story

to scared little guys like me


dreaming is not the same as living

but we do what we can

as we can


and sometimes our dreams are all we have left

thought is retrospective

and of the past


studying the dead will not teach us about life

which is forever of the now


and the intellectual being will think about that


we either know or we don't know

and knowing is not among the explainable


thinkers are dead people

awareness is not a product of thought

the sacred trust

if you think about that

you will never know what it is


being is not about thinking


and now is all there is


knowing is retrospective

and of the past


the past is the land of the dead

and those thinker scientific guys and gals

ain't got a clue

cause they live in the land of the dead

life

life can do anything

cause life is everything


and me and you too


life is the only friend we got

and we ain't got life

actually life got us

it

a really stupid word

and beyond understanding

but who would wish to be out there


maybe people that like computers

and crap like that


the only thing i like about computers

is that they allow some access to each other

for us isolated people


in time we would naturally give up such silliness

as we came to recognize each other

praises sing

praises sing and night bells ring
all around this precious thing

places and faces and midnight races
all the while the nomad braces

more and more the onslaught rages
in the wind all ripped out pages

find me now  -  oh lord of love
we seek and pray thy long lost dove

will peace upon the land yet stand
must heart still face the burning brand

on and on the rage does rush
the bonds of shame a mighty crush

still the flame  -  it has not died
tho bled and fed on brutal pride

so far we hold the beach head slightly
no longer bold and brave and mighty

battered troops once fresh and rested
now reel and waver  -  nearly bested

the hope that once so filled the heart
still lives  -  yet in the smallest part

tho battered  -  scarred and mortal weary
at dawn we stand to face the fury

no longer brave we could be called
but no  -  by god we shall not fall

to twisted minds that rule this land
with whip and chain and brutal hand

we will not yield the sacred trust
for feed upon the moldy crust

which the beast does offer gladly
all inflamed and grinning madly

tho tattered rag  -  thy flag once proud
and bleeding feet  -  tho head unbowed

we the face the dawn with shining faces
of doubt and fear there are no traces

for in thy time each heart does know
as life moves on its sacred flow

the soul of man will seek thy light
and move beyond this endless night

the whisper that i dimly hear
does speak that time may yet be near

oh yes  -  the force does feel some stronger
raging pain i feel no longer

the mission tho still unfullfilled
will be complete as thou has willed

and light yet fill the hardest heart
thy love shall reach the darkest part

in time the sorrows past will fade
and truth regain this world you made

for as the story does unfold
eternal love each heart will hold


the only part of this poem i don't much care for

is that i seem to sound religious

which doesn't happen to be so


i have no use for all these religions that afflict us in our time

and am certainly not a capitalist

or a nationalist

or anything else


i can't seem to be able to help it

and it just confuses me

it's late

and i know you still like me sugar

life in our time

most seem to fear the big dog

but what about the little dog

what about the friend


still wonder what that means

and already know

that or they or them is just another word for me


rejection is knot the way

there is a girl that i like

liking me has not been all that easy for her


i feel that way sometimes

life on this plane

the wise man doesn't complain

the rest of us just keep up as we can

and up is just another word for down

being is a lot more fun than thinking

and wondering is perhaps the greatest curse of all

i wondered for a while

and then came fear and insecurity

crazy women

what we have to face in our time

the planets in pain

and we humans have made all this possible


or maybe it's just our draw

or maybe just a bad dream

i really don't know


life seems to do better

when i get out of the way


once i was in a girls way

she seems to still like me

i don't know why

eager to please

a tough draw in our time