winning

what if winning is the only way of winning

and winning is the only way of losing

what am i supposed to make of it


it is a really stupid word

as is that

wanting to understand

i beat my head on that wall for a while

not so much any more


trying is just another affirmation

of what we lack

sacred

a very special word

which we all interpret

in our own way

until we don't

vulnerable

no one seems to like being vulnerable

and yet we all are

in spite of all our defenses and weapons


courage is a fools errand

bravery a lost cause


what we are is so far greater

than we can be


unless we are willing to be as we are

which ain't been all that popular in my time

everyone is trying to be someone

or something

and life has become so little for so many

she

so many secrets

that were not for me


perhaps i should examine

my secrets

to find our common ground

a spartan trailer

spent a lot of my younger years

in a spartan trailer

seems like one of them may have been a shultz

not sure if i spelled that right

that was quite a while ago

before the pubic hair began growing

a book i am reading

Rilke's Book of Hours

love poems to god

translated by anita barrows and joanna macy

with a new introduction by the translators

which i liked very much


so far i very much like this book

why can't we just get along

i have been asked that

and have wondered about that


too much focus on our differences

and not so much on our sameness

seems to create an imbalance

it seems to me

pride

one of the many faces of shame

explain

some try to explain their self

and some lie


the wisest men i ever knew

would not explain their self to me

or the wisest women i ever knew


none of them even tried

girls i love

the list is pretty long

am a very lucky guy

the rug

there is no joy in being the rug

that has never been walked upon

or the bridge

that has never been crossed

or the eye

that has never seen

or the being

that has never been with a being

bless

the only way to bless your self

is to bless all others

and all that is

and is not

competition

war and conflict

are not the path to peace and cooperation

the scars are often too great


we want so much

and don't even know what we have

the life that has us

gods lonliness

can anyone bear the pain of gods loneliness

welcome to life

as life has become on our watch

hope

hope is just beating a dead horse

as they used to say


belief is just more of the same

religion

have known a few with what i call a religious nature

they have been my few friends


have not yet been comfortable

with those with religious ideas


i have no idea of what life is

yet i love life still


even here in this land of crimes against humanity

and the creatures of the field

and the field

unity

almost none of that here in our time

most just make deals

and there is great chaos upon the land


we were not born to dominate this land and these creatures

we were born to preserve this land and these creatures


our desires for control and domination

have the potential to destroy this land and these creatures


and a great sadness is upon the land

and our fellow creatures


there is only one life here

and we are all part of that one life


all is where we come from

and all is what we are

passion

mostly feared by modern day women

played with by a few


men of passion are almost unheard of today

mostly i just see emotional disturbances

on each side of a fence

presenting life

we all represent life

with all that we do

at every moment of our life

whether we know it or not

or like it or not

or even care


our falsehoods misrepresent life

they

just another word for me

family

all is family

nothingness

it is the nothingness between us

that defines us

stop

slow down

relax

eat real food

drink clean water

breathe the light


life is for giving

what we give is what we are

or maybe just what we choose to be


and choosing is a very dangerous game

which always leads to some form of isolation


all is what we are

and all we can ever actually be


our selectiveness is the source of all our discomfort

and all the other nastiness we see around us


rejection of any form of life

is a rejection of what we are

we are all that we see

and all we do not see

and whatever else life is

an astrology comment

mars and jupiter

the celebration of what is

venus and saturn

the celebration of what was


the sun

perhaps the celebration of what we are now


and the moon still wonders


mercury just thinks about all this stuff

and wonders too



uranus and neptune and pluto

are the parts of our self we don't know about yet

but we are learning

in our particularly ignorant modern way


awareness is not a product of thought


awareness is only found in being

which is a state of stillness and peace

which is not so common in our time

envy

another popular drug

the first step to jealousy

and all the passion that goes with that crap

hatred

the greatest curse we subject our selves to

and dislike is the first step in that direction

and disapproval


approval is the first step to disapproval

as like is the first step to dislike

we humans have really learned how to abuse our freedom

and the freedom of all


and then there is that revenge stuff

and all the glory of our punishments


i often wonder why life tolerates us

selfishness and greed

if we don't deal with that situation

within our selves

we and our little world

will probably not survive


that is what i see


we are so selfish

and want is our most popular god

and our own gratification

is our most popular goal

which i have learned about in my own way


if god is all that is

which is the only way that word works for me

we ain't treating all that is all that well


to send a man or woman to prison

is to send god to prison

and to abuse a child is to abuse god

and to seek only for our personal self

is to ignore god


and we are so lonely


love is an expression of sharing and respect of all that is


our prayers are so full of what we want

and so rarely what we offer freely

relief

am not sure what that word means

probably something we made up

expectation

potentially the cruelest word of all

or maybe just the most dangerous


life is not about winning and losing

those are just for the games we play

the games we made up in our little brains


 the brain is just another organ

no more important than the fingers and toes

but we modern humans sure like to believe stuff

mostly stuff we made up


and life goes on

mostly still unnoticed

love

love is the only valid word

and i have found no explanation for that word


that is not a real word

and words aren't real either


courage is often found far from home

respect

it is often difficult for us to respect

that which we do not like


like is just another word for approval

which is just another petty little way we like to play god


usually i consider this a virgo affliction

within my self and others


others is another clue

there ain't no other

all is one

and zero too

at the same time


time is someplace to get lost

and we have great clocks in our time


to be ruled by a clock

is just another form of slavery

which is just another idea

here in the land of thought


awareness is not a product of thought


your buy the ticket

you take the ride

that was on the front of a hat i found

in a recycle bin at the oklahoma gazette

i was the maintance guy there for a while

i still have the hat and wear it often in cold weather


once you accepted this life

or you would not be here

rejection is knot the way

and the ain't no not

life is an affirmation

whatever that word means or represents

nakedness

forbidden in our time

and against the law in most places


we were born naked

never to be seen again

in our time


most humans seem obsessed with avoiding who they are

not sure where that came from

although there are foot prints in the sand


such behavior seems pretty unnatural to me


life without experiencing our true essential nature

is not life to me

just a cruel joke

and a lot of other stuff i won't go into tonight


have often wondered if this is the natural next step in our evolution

perhaps an opportunity to see how dangerous it can be

to take our little human selves too seriously


we make wonderful little stuff

but we are still primates

and a part of the world we seem to want to conquer

which is our mother


we mostly don't treat mother and her children all that well

and this would be a barren rock without the mother and her children

and we humans have become a race of child molesters

with no respect for life


some of us try to act respectful

but true respect is never an act

true respect is a state of being

and we are so caught up in doing

which is like digging a hole to nowhere

life

life is not always what it looks like to us humans

we tend to look at life through our own little filters

and that makes us blind


it and that are the clues

leader

the true leader never gives orders


except maybe once in a while

am not sure about that

willingness

the only true gift

courage

courage is a false god

as are fear and shame

and pride

and personal power


god is a false word

which is used mostly by control freaks

those that would limit our freedom to be our self


sacred is a special word to me

and all life is sacred

and worthy of respect

failures

if i were to guess

there are more failures in heaven than successes


am refering to those ideas of heaven most humans have


we like to think of ourselves as the most advanced primates

but mostly we are still primates

and our greater potential yet to be fulfilled

secrecy

another word for privacy

privacy

perhaps our most arrogant act of all

and the most selfish

cold women

cold women are unhappy women

and very lonely


and man has lost his way


and women are by nature followers

and man has lost his way


the white man brought his ideas to this place

and our land we call our mother

is no longer kind to us

and that situation is not the fault of the mother


mans ideas have lead us to a stray

honor

some people honor people for what they do

there are those that honor people for who they are

and what they have do is of no concern

for better or for worse


who we are as life created  us all

and the creatures of the field

and the field

and we all got our draw


so many today seek to be some idea in their head

ideas are like an infection of the mind


a healthy mind has no concern for ideas

they are just meaningless trivia


life is far beyond our petty little ideas

which are just our little attempts to escape our reality

which is who and what we are


which that great mystery we call life and destiny and fate

and a lot of other weird stuff


life is pretty simple acturally

either deal with life or life will deal with you

and there ain't actually no you


all seems a difficult something to most of us in our time

and our ideas of all are limited to our personal little window


a few are not in that situation

if i still believed in praying i would probably pray for them

praying is just another petty little selfish voodoo game

and all we are and are not came from no where


zero is the source of one and two and all the other silliness we see around us

numbers just divide us

and do religions

and politics

and country clans

and private clubs and other stuff


if we can't face what we are doing

how will we ever face our self


and a cold wind was on the land

and the human race huddled for warmth

if any was to be found

december 4. 2013


december 7, 1941

my father considered that day his birthday

that's what he said to me

life changed that morning for him

and peace was a long way down the road


he was a kind man when i knew him

and didn't take any shit from anybody

except from a few he liked

and he liked me

when i got a little older i could tell

he wasn't much for words

but he was a human being

and acting just wasn't his thing

lory

in the old days that word meant a conveyor

am not sure what that word means in our time


we shall see

if we are willing to see


see is a sacred word to me

and so feared in our time

innocence

a sacred word


perhaps the most sacred word of all

and so little respected in our time


mostly innocence is taken advantage of

and that really pisses me off

failure

the gateway to winning

as long as we are not seeking failure

death

another false god

some idiot came up with that idea

probably some sort of attempted escape


we can only see when we are willing to see what actually is


our hopes and wishes are just delusions which we torment our self with

and the reason the capitalists and the sellers of religions prey on us so mercilessly


predators always prey on the most helpless they can find

all those people you see

that is you and me


all those people you don't see

that is you and me too


we are one

whether we like that situation or not


and the creatures of the field are are brothers and sisters

and the other growing stuff is our family

saviours

so many hope and wish for a saviour

it seems to me that we humans are responsible for this mess

the plants and animals have been no threat to the planet

but we humans and all our stuff has


perhaps all this gain has been a loss

which is how our time seems to me


am not sure what we should do

perhaps quit deceiving our self with our fancy ideas

perhaps deal with life as life is

instead of trying to make life into what we want life to be


anyone who considers their self that smart

probably ain't going to like me

cause i mostly feel like we are lost

and acting like we know what to do


and so it goes

and we sink a little lower


we a becoming so heavy

and our ideas a great burden for our little world

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dreamers

we humans have become dreamers

we have been taught to believe

and believing is not knowing


we have been taught to have faith in the words of others

faith is blind devotion to an idea

and words are often just noise people make

to sell us something or other


face life for your self

if you can as you can

is all i can say to me


would say something to you if i could see you

but am still learning to see me

courage is a false god

which so many believe in in our time

yet fear is what is see in so many peoples eyes

that courage thing ain't working


faith is another false god

but faith has its followers


i gave up believing in dreams a long time ago

once there was a time

once there was a time

the girls were taught to make the men happy


i was once or twice called a man

and found inside my self

that the girls happiness was more important than my own happiness

which was my particular misunderstanding


we are all one


my unhappiness becomes a part of you

and your unhappiness becomes a part of me


perhaps in time we will learn to share our happiness

when we learn to respect our self


those without respect for self

will experience life with out respect

and be unable to share respect with others

which a the rest of their self


if i hide from you

just means i am hiding from my self


privacy is a very lonely word