more about courage

a false god

have not yet been accused of that crap

poetry

once i wrote poetry

that was a long time ago

hasn't happened in a long time

welcome to my world

not really my world

just where i get to be

for a time

you don't have to smarter

and you don't have to try harder

you just have to be willing to be

stand up

to who or what ever we are facing

what we all seem to learn how to do

in our own time

afraid

only a little afraid

most of the time

not so bad if your me

work

a nasty little word

and no friend of my self


yet there is always what needs to be done

just saw one girl being two girls

she didn't seem to be having much fun

the suit we wear

says more about what we want to be

than what we are


truth is forever naked

which is not permitted in our time


and we were all born naked

am pretty sure

all

all is a pretty scary place to be

if one is accepting this and rejecting that

which is an attempt to make us less than we are

which is not possible

and can become very painful

which ain't very much fun

but some still find it so


sexuality is a very primal drive

and an essential part of our natures

yet exploited or repressed by most in our time

just because being with you isn't easy

doesn't mean i don't like you

but sometimes it still does

am still working on that


that is a clue

and the curse of our time


there ain't no that

this is all we are

which is you and me

which is who and what we are

and all this other stuff too

how we feel about the time we have spent with others

says a lot about who we are

and where we are going

where we are about to be


war is a curse

and so popular in our time

and for so long

pride

the big sister of shame

two sides of the same nickel

to cultivate one is to cultivate the other

and the insanity continues

big bellies

so many drag around big bellies in our time

and big asses

that ain't a good sign

and a great poverty is upon the land

and upon us all

all is what we are

what we think we are is of no value at all

and seriously limits our preception

beliefs are always a limitation

a restriction of the minds ability to be open to all

which is who and what we are

it leads to accepting this and rejecting that

or accepting these and rejecting those

or accepting us an rejecting them

and the conflict continues

and no end in sight

a few words to parents

the children would be much freer if we didn't train them

and make them a bunch of boxcars

we must (if such is our nature) respond to them as is our nature

and not our conditioning

but don't see that happening much anymore

and a great tragedy is upon the land

and upon us all

more about freedom

most modern people have no concept of freedom

they have never experienced freedom

they have experienced training and adaptation

and restrictions and rules and regulations of all sorts

true freedom is not an idea

true freedom is an experience of being

which is not being permitted the children

and hasn't been since the last of the native population died

the antilife arrived a long time ago

more about thinking

thinking can be worthwhile

as long a we don't get caught up in ideas

or a conditioned or trained way of thinking

mind control destroys the mind

without freedom mind is retarded

awareness is not a product of thought

i just like saying this stuff

am a big fan of freedom

and somewhat lazy

want

the curse of our time

and all times

so cultivated by the capitalist

and the business man

and the banker

and even the yoga teacher

in our time


they just want to survive

and know nothing of nature

nova

a great promoter of scientific thought

i don't personally find those that pursue such crap

all that bright

and usually very misinformed

new ideas

a form of insanity

saw some of them on nova tonight


to be personally creative

is to miss out on creation

which is universal

and in no way personal


except to the individual

which is what we get to be here

on this little planet


not a real big challenge

unless you take it personally

and can't let go of your self

courage

that which i have never found

although i sought such stuff for a while


not so much for a while now

last call

have heard that before

maybe a couple of times

maybe more

and running bare

loved little white dove

with a love big as the sky


but their tribes fought with each other

and their love could never be

but it was


and still is in some way

nature

nature does exist

and the scientific mind

is dumber than a word i won't use tonight

thinking

thinking can be worth while

unless you believe in ideas

then it's dangerious

i don't know what's going on here

but here i am

and here is where i will be

todays words

will be out of date by tomorrow

or perhaps the next day


we must stand up as we can

and speak as we can

from the truth of our self

so this situation seems to me

courage

a scared guys hero


am no fan of heros


had a hero once


just one of my little egos dreams


was attracted to courage for a while

but lost interest in that


cause that ain't really there

we just made that up

to satisfy our little selves


and we are capable of being very little

has been my experience

i didn't know if i had won or lost

but i knew i had been there that day

and the girl

she stood up and spoke to me

and i was truly blessed

behind

sometimes behind

is where we actually are


and to accept that situation

is the only way to be free of that situation

knowing

i don't feel like or think you know

and i know damn well i don't

perhaps the girl will live

we shall see


cause as i have said

if the girl don't live

we're all going to die

believe

to believe is to be a lost soul


those that have given up on life

which can only be known

and certainly can't be controlled


but so many still try

sometimes

sometimes we do things

just because we can

and for no other reason


such as such things need to be done


and need is a slave word to me

and without truthfulness


needs are not possible

we are complete as we are


if we aren't too caught up in all this craziness

and she was afraid to let anyone get close to her

and being close to someone was all the had ever desired

and here we are

truth

we have abandoned truth

and embraced law and order

which is without freedom

sir

i have looked at this place

and i have no place to go

peace

to disturb peace

is a great crime

dead man walking

what we all get to be

in our own time

in our own way


and the hard part is

if you've never really lived

dying gets a lot harder

lighting bugs

seeing more of them tonight

than i have seen in years


that seems pretty cool


perhaps all is not lost

the pursuit of happiness

perhaps the dumbest idea of all

just another false god

i like me better because i drink

your can work that out for your self


muslims and christians probably ain't going to like me much

or even the jews cause i am so excessive


maybe a couple of heathens will

am not sure what to be

what i am is all i have

or perhaps it has me

and here we are

inside of me

in spite of all this other crap

time

just a place to get lost

as we have said before

wondering

there was a time

i wondered about my self

that was somewhat after i had wondered about you

but apparently not too late

i still remember us both


you is just the other side of me

once we were at war

and we lied to each other

and the truth is the only hope we have

and hope is of no value at all

but here we are

as we are

in all our glory

and our shame

to be afraid of the dark

is the quickest way to die

to be afraid of the light

takes a little longer

time

as was said earlier

just another place to get lost

a fraid

there was a time i was a fraid

and a time i was not a fraid

and a time i remembered being a fraid

and a time i forgot being a fraid


and so often i just wonder where i am

and what all this means

this is just another word

for that and it

which have no meaning

greed

a terrible master to serve

there is no end to it

yet everything has an end


it is a really stupid word

and of no value at all


all is the clue


and we may be the answer


a small word

but perhaps so all inclusive

freedom

without freedom we are nothing

what we do with our freedom

is the judgement we pass on ourselves

seeing

you don't see who we are by looking

you see who we are by being

learning

there is learning

and their is being

which is the only way of knowing

freedom

kind of limited here

we are mostly stuck with our self

which we mostly try to escape

or subjugate

or turn into what we want to be

and rarely offer a hug

or even a kind word


and then there are all those governments

and their rules and regulations

but here we are

and life is whatever we let it be

don't see much of that stuff either

courage

is a false god

to be afraid of myself

it to be afraid of you

and you are the rest of myself

barking dogs

a form of dog abuse

by those that use them


am no fan of barking dogs

which is what i hear tonight

to be sorry about where you were

not very much fun

but i have been there

have been loved

sure as hell don't want to lie

and sure as hell don't want to deny that situation

barking dogs

we are so afraid

and now we hide behind barking dogs


that don't say much about what or who we are

freedom

without freedom we are doomed

and i live in the land of rules and regulations and laws


would like to say something nice


but life looks pretty bleak to me

and truth the only hope we have


and love a distant memory


unless your me

i have been loved by another today

actually two

and they still like me

am not sure why

and don't intend to ask them

disapproval

the final frontier


approval is a lot more fun

and a lot more dangerous frontier

our job

we all have our job to do

and our job is a very small part of what we are

but our small parts

are what our big part is


little is perhaps a sacred word

freedom

cannot be experienced

if not offered


we are always the source of what we seek

rejection

is knot the way

want

as long as we want

we are addicted to ourselves

and in no way free


always seeking some sort of gratification

is just another addiction

just like all those others we pursue


true happiness is not a form of gratification


peace and love have a lot in common

democracy

has become a great argument

and a source of conflict within and without


perhaps we are still lost

all the while claiming we aren't


christianity and all those religions effect me the same way

some claim to know

some of us still seek

the path to war

leads to war

and more war


an it don't have a happy ending

but it does have an ending

approving and disapproving

a symptom of ignorance

and those that oppose freedom


and we are a product of the plague that overtook this land

and so much more

and the land is our home for now

our ignorance

perhaps the hardest part of ourselves to face

and the smarter we get

and the more progress we make

the more ignorant we get


life is for living

thinking is retrospective

and of the past

life is always now

and we all have to find our own way

and so much is behind us

and so much in front of us

and here we are

i really can't take yesterday back

even though i have wanted to


a couple of times

it seems to me

the truth of where i have been

may be the truth of where i am

perhaps real life to me

is to be where i once was

the ultimate crime to me

is to want more than you need


as i said once before

am a bit of a fan of lucky strikes

not such a big fan of chesterfields

but was once there for a while

submission

if to me or you is not valid

only valid to myself


a curious little posting

am a tired old man

but still willing to be as i can

and my wife still likes me

how much better can it get

if your me

too much of nothin

can make a fellow mean

and perhaps a girl


unkind is a popular word in our time


what about kind


real life is in the sharing

it seems to me


and my wife of all these years

still likes me


pretty sure it don't get any better than that


courage is a blind mans fantasy


and so many are so alone


just because we can't be here

the ultimate crime to me

is to want more than you need

love

some have been taught that they are to love one


what it is

is your nature to love all


for some

all is not yet such a popular word


as scary as that might be

you

you can't determine what time it is

no matter how hard you try


only life can determine that

no matter how hard you try


and that is the truth

if your me


and love is far greater than us all

barking dogs

people in my neighborhood

seem to like hearing the sound of their dog barking

the sound of the wind in the trees is a lot more soothing

at the end of a hard day at work

i find barking dogs not my favorite situation

but a lot of them are all around me

i yelled at them a few times

but it didn't help much


mostly i consider this world a loosing proposition

and not in my or your best interest


woman is not respected

or nature in any way

pretty hard to give that a hug


the girls need their rest

and they aren't getting much of that stuff

and lewis is not pleased


my wife worked the mothers day shift at a restaurant sunday

was a pretty big day at the office for her

and in the quiet time tonight

she gets to listen to barking dogs

and i for one don't seem to be able to hug that


but i don't blame the dogs

the humans came up with all this crap

courage

a blind mans passion


this may be a rerun


seems like have said that before


have always been a little afraid of courage


inside myself i find it a lie

we seem to think we are afraid of others

but that can't be true


we are only afraid of ourselves

a swing and a miss

a lucky strike


what i get to be


three strikes and your out


didn't know about the other two

back then


didn't even take them


was not a bright kid

although some thought i was

freedom

only captives and prisoners could desire freedom


a free being certainly would not want what it already was


wanting is all about lack


as is capitalism at its best


first you create the desire

then you sell them the drug (the product)

which is the substitute for what they can't  really give you

but they like your being dependent on them

this is how they survive


dependent is the clue


motherhood is designed to be short lived

life is not here to punish woman

only use her for a while

freedom

just another word

for nothing left to lose

a girl once spoke those words

and i agree

love

that which is all inclusive

and which most of us fear greatly


we have become so selective in our time

which just makes us less than we are

for a time


and time is always limited

other

other than my self

is only delusion


all that i see

and don't see

is my self

all

all is the only great word

the other words just seem to limit us

love and hate

most people choose one or the other

or pass

our capacities for one

actually reveals our capacities for the other

passion is the clue

perhaps there is a time for both

which has been my experience

both have their place

neither are who we are


mostly our judgements are pretty short sighted

all is what we are

to pass judgement on another

is to pass judgement on ourselves


we are all that we adore

and everything we hate

and whatever else life is


everyday is mothers day

whether she likes it or not


life is what we are

and creation an ongoing problem


a question always leads to an answer

which will always be it's opposite

questioning is knot the way


smart is the source of dumb

and good is the source of bad

and up is the source of down


and on and on we go

chasing our tales it seems to me


only now is forever


i smoke lucky strikes

and sometimes drink to excess

my mother was the wind and the rain

and all that other stuff that we see

and all that we don't see


security is a fearful idiots dream

freedom has no such desire

trust

a slave word


another form of begging

fun

what life wished us to be

and the religious people and the business people said no

and we listened

we don't have to do that

we can be as we are

life provides that option

this is what i see

here in the darkness of our garden

am a bit old now

and the young have to find their own way

secrets

the greatest curse of all


privacy is an optical illusion

there ain't any in truth

christians

they seem to like to wallow in their suffering

and sometimes in mine

which i don't permit

have been giving that up for years


am no fan of religions

they always require submission to their idea

i only submit to life

as i can


religions and politicians are the biggest problem we got


second only to ourselves


to go to war with religions and politicians would be to neglect ourselves


to go to war with ourselves would be to abuse ourselves


am pretty sure war is not the answer

but it has sure been popular in our time

a poem

What Is Love

what is love
at times i've wondered
we speak the word often
but mostly we've plundered

power is what
we most seek today
do what i tell you
get out of my way

i try to forgive
and treat others well
yet still i relapse
to respond  -  go to hell

it bothers me some
that we're being so mean
and beauty and grace
are so rarely seen

perhaps we're afraid
to have love for another
it's just not in fashion
to cherish your brother

mostly it seems
we just think of ourselves
i'm back where i started
not sure where love dwells


           ********

killing

killing is not the answer

killing only delays the game

killing does not stop the game

only recognition does


once i was of the warriors

but not any more

so many willing to die for their beliefs

so few willing to live

there are those who promote the darkness

and those who promote the light


life seems to be a synthesis to me

and rejection is how we die


to start all over

a gain

storms are coming in from the west

it's time to batten down the hatches

or not

as our natures permit

yesterdays

last much longer for some

than they do for others

beliefs

when i lost interest in my beliefs

i lost interest in yours

welcome to my world and where i am


awareness is not a product of thought

and the universities are so full of thinkers


and so many are lawyers

and government officials


and a few were my friends

we didn't have any rules

and nothing was expected of me

being

much different that hoping to be

or wishing to be

or all those other ways we reject being

most researchers today

are exploring our differences

i am interested in our sameness

what we have in common

and how we are a like

with any luck at all


i like like

that stuff appeals to me

when so much other stuff doesn't


capitalism was created to stuff the turkey

and me and you are the turkeys

at least there are those who still wish us to be

barking dogs are permitted on my street

seems pretty strange to me

all they do is make noise

while so many are willing to sleep at this hour

go away and leave me alone

didn't even have to say that

it was said for me

or at me


and i did for a while

a question for the girls

what do you do if he don't get it right

but you still like him


there is a similar question for the guys


where are we might be a more valid first question

it seems to me

but i ain't sure


if one is standing in cold deep water

that is certainly different than standing on the beach

or in that forest over there

am a little tired

am going to bed now

abused children

most claim they were not abused

here in the land of abused children


to be with the body

is to be where it has been


to be with Life

is to be where Life has been

and life is forever untouched

here in the land of touching


so many clues

so much caring

and the load gets heavier


perhaps to drift away

the workers

so under appreciated

and under paid

and without them

we would have starved so long ago

good and bad

two sides of the same nickel

give your self a hug if you can

the good man

have managed to avoid that situation

i drink alcohol

and i cuss

and have sex with crazy women

sometimes i be what i am not

sometimes what i am

words

words are only valid when spoken truthfully

and very few are that brave in our little world

which could actually be so grand

if being was

truthful being

no more lies

no more compromises

just little old me

in all my insecurities

and all my fears

and whatever else i am

numbers

so many numbers

only 0 is all numbers


the mathmatition is a self abuser

who just masterbates his mind

actually his brain


mind is untouchable

mind can only be


thought is the land of the escapist

and there is ultimately no escape from Life

just some form of willful avoidance

which is just rejection of our essential natures

which is what we have been taught to do

and be good little obedient peep holes


all is what we are


one cannot harm another without harming ones self


one cannot love another without loving ones self


to reject any of us is to reject us all

secrets

the curse of the lost

perhaps the ugliest word of all

or perhaps punishment

that is a pretty ugly word and situation to be in

and yet so popular in our time

and so unpopular for most in that situation

a few find gratification there

actually more than a few

religions promote sacrifice of self

and i ain't buying that crap

that's how they cripple us

gods laws

mans laws

Life is being ignored

Life cannot be grabbed

Life can be examined

but not with a microscope

one can be open to Life

Being is an Experience

and certainly not an idea

which are the products of idiots

those with very small minds

and usually want to say mind me


Life is an Experience

perhaps could be called

A State of Being


thought is retrospective

and always of the past

and a form of sleep


those that actually live today

have no need to think about it


those that think about today weren't really there

and usually like to think about all those yesterdays as well

such is how we miss out on the moment of life

which is forever now

no past

no future

the eternal now

freedom

very little freedom is offered in our time

we have been and are required to stay between the lines

and others are telling us where the lines are

almost from birth and to the death

a very unnatural situation for Life

love

most today are terrified of love

if i love you i may not be able to say no

and no is such a popular word in our time

the children and the pets are hammered with it

running people off

was a while before i realized how good i was at that


but only little people that wanted to be big people at me

just could not embrace such crap

noam chomsky

a good man

have offended him more than once

and he has always responded nicely to me


and i wish him well

and all us others

as i can


other has been kind of hard for me to do

am working on that

which is just another word for it

i really don't seem to me to be very bright

little hawk

what i call my wife

her indian name

sometimes i call her little bitch

she can be that too

and sometimes big bitch

but not so often

goodness

a false god

because it rejects badness

and we are always the other side of what we are


as long as we are


am is a stupid word

and very popular in our time

have used it many times


and it is the dumbest word i have ever spoken


i have a knack for being and speaking dumb stuff

it's a gift


it allows us to believe

someone else is to blame

corporations

they are designed to make a few people rich

and the rest of us slaves

pure human ambition

and human is a small part of what we are


some of us are natural slaves

some of us not so much


most of us are designed to serve

some of us to remember how it once was

when we were free

and not so scared


without freedom

life is nothing


and freedom can only be found within


courage is a young mans dream

and an old mans curse


once i was a young man

now part of me is old

but not all


and all is what we are

am a little bit couragious

but mostly scared as hell


welcome to my world

the gate is already closing

but the gate ain't closed yet

yet so many want it to be

and so few are afraid it will


which actually can't happen

but can be pushed away for a time

if your dumb enough to still consider rejection an option


and so many have chosen that path

which is just another path


and not necessarily what actually just happened


if truth is not the only goal

we are lost


and truth is so far beyond our current capabilities

so what do we do


i don't know

mostly i just wonder

and sometimes hope for the best

and then just want to slap me


and remind myself

that awareness is not a product of thought


yet so many are trapped in that place

met a girl once

who actually liked me

more than one actually


i obviously must be the luckiest guy in the world


my friend is still waiting


and all the others

which we have created out of all that


that ain't a real word

if your me


i am stuck with we


and very confused with the

and thee just means the crap is sacred


am pretty sure it ain't going for that

if it don't know what that is


and knowing ain't an option

and believing is far dumber than dirt


and the earth is sacred

as are all the chubby little girls

and all their friends

and even little me

and even little you

who ever you are

the full moon of scorpio

another will be tomorrow night

that information was on the news tonight

the moon is closer than usual

and someone noticed that


scorpio

the sign of transformation


aries

what you are


tarsus

what you tried to be


gemini

what you thought you were


cancer

what you felt like you were


leo

how you saw yourself


virgo

how others saw you


sagittarius

what we all see


capricorn

what we all are


aquarius

where we are all from


pisces

where we all belong


astrology became a hobby of mine

after the girls got bored with me


and the girls didn't actually get bored with me

they just got scared


except for maybe two

as i remember

certainly not more than three

seems like i would have remembered

or maybe she did

the three faces of eve

watched that movie again tonight

in pieces


have seen it 2 or 3 times

is a pretty old movie

and pretty far along for the time


the girls are the greatest mystery of all


just ask the girls

if you have the nerve


guys have an option

for girls the situation is not optional


the guys have their own situation

which ain't optional either


the boys and girls ain't talking much to each other

has been my experience

there is great division in this time we live in

yet we all remain the same

me and you

this is not just about me and you

this is about all of us

and i mean all of us


this is about more than peep holes

the hawk and the eagle

both fly pretty high in the sky

but not as high as the buzzard


was born a ground squirrel in this life

and don't mind all that much anymore


about that flying stuff

i did that


and every kiss

is a little bight out of the apple


and nobody ever called me a hawk

except maybe a couple of girls

and i didn't really mean it


and they were so disappointed

was not as mean as they had hoped