boys persueing boys

boys who pursued boys and not girls

were called queer when i was younger

and it made sense to me

some got emotional and called them faggots

which seemed a little much to me

until they got so weird and flagrant


if i had realized how pain full girls could be

when i was younger

i might have become a priest

but probably not

the facination was just too great


seem to be the other half of what they are

or something like that


never was quite sure what to call me

promoting

promoting is a girl thing

which gay boys now embrace

straining out gnats

and swallowing water buffalos

or maybe it was camels

someone we may have heard of said that

about something he heard


it may have been a girl

but i don't think so

we are what we promote

the medical profession

and the insurance profession

are the greatest promoters

of what they claim to be the cure for


and they are not an isolated instance


they promote sickness and tragidy

for without sickness and tragidy

they would not exist

ad vice

a willing to promote an other

no matter how foul or rediculas

as long as the pay well


success if always for sale


truth

hard to place a price on such situations

mostly to be avoided at all cost

the top and the bottom

they are the same

as are the left and right


most people today don't agree with me

they who like to make comparisons

and convince others and their self that they know something


we are all different in some way

yet essentially we are the same

which is what i see

money

perhaps the greatest curse of modern times

certainly an artificial creation

and we are ruled and dominated by it's creators


am no fan of rulers

that which we resist

just accumulates within our self

until we are over whelmed


resistence is knot the way

and an endless struggle with not

until we perhaps recognize something about our selves

or just get too bored to carry on this way

or too scared


which seems more likely to me


love is the only cure for fear

and most of us still wonder what that word means

as do i

my problem with modern people

most want to be on some where called broadway

where you do what your told

and never be who you really are


when acting is more fun than being

we have a serious problem

and that is what i see


so often our time

what we say

does not match what we manifest

and the children are confused

and there is great chaos and confusion upon the land

and the terrible violence

and the great sadness that goes with that

and the hatred that some cannot resist

earlier tonight

i heard a small do barking

he barked for a little while

then he yelped a couple of time

i have not heard him any more


as for me

i am the grounds keeper

i ask the girl what to kill today

and what to be nice to


sometimes i decide for my self

what does this blog mean to me

mostly something to play with

sometimes i find words entertaining

sometimes not so much

ambareassed

some in our time call that stuff embarrass

have been an embarrassment to my wife

and one of my other wives

and most of my few friends

and my self

but not so often

i still like me

most of the time

who do you think you are

i for one don't know who i am

and a lot of people i see

look like liars to me


my family used to play a card game

they called it indian

i don't know why

every one got one card face down

the game was to put your card face up on your forhead

without looking at the card

then every one bet on being high or low

each can see the others card

but not their own card


most people today appear to be guessing and hoping to me

acting like they know some thing

and sometimes selling me their idea

at least trying to


this looks like a lost world to me

and i fit right in


a long time ago i asked my father a question

he is gone from us now

the question was

what is going on here and what should i do

his response to me was

your going to have to work that out for your self boy


he did not know what i should do

and he did not lie


and i am still boy

but i have a lot of mileage on me

and i am still here

pretty much

in some sort of way

here in a world where i can be arrested

for peeing in my own yard


no one is arresting the cats that crap in our flower bed

but i annoy them as i can

am not interested in making that fun for them

times are changing

the house where i was in the picture to the left

is for sale now


moving on is what we do

and life is forever still


perhaps all this change

is just an illusion

to our befuddled minds

an old saying i read some where

there are those that strain out gnats

and swallow camels

that is not a quote

but it seems to apply to we of the current population

greed

a terrible curse for those that serve it

good people and bad people

sometimes we call our self good people

sometimes we call our self bad people

when in truth we are just people

struggling to find our way

each in our own way

in our own time

my excesses

my excesses have been hard to step away from

for a while they were all i had

or so i thought


awareness is not a product of thought

a poem

praises sing and night bells ring

all around this precious thing

places and faces and midnight races

all the while the nomad braces

more and more the onslaught rages

in the wind all ripped out pages

find me now  -  oh lord of love

we seek and pray thy long lost dove

will peace upon the land yet stand

must heart still face the burning brand

on and on the rage does rush

the bonds of shame a mighty crush

still the flame  -  it has not died

tho bled and fed on brutal pride

so far we hold the beach head slightly 

no longer bold and brave and mighty

battered troops once fresh and rested

now reel and waver  -  nearly bested

the hope that once so filled the heart

still lives  -  yet in the smallest part

tho battered  -  scarred and mortal weary

at dawn we stand to face the fury

no longer brave we could be called

but no  -  by god we shall not fall

to twisted minds that rule this land

with whip and chain  in brutal hand

we will not yield the sacred trust

nor feed upon the moldy crust

which the beast does offer gladly

all inflamed and grinning madly

tho tattered rag  -  thy flag once proud

and bleeding feet  -  tho head un-bowed

we face the dawn with shining faces

of doubt and fear there are no traces

for in thy time each heart does know

as life moves on its sacred flow

the soul of man will seek thy light

and move beyond this endless night

the whisper that i dimly hear

does speak that time may yet be near

oh yes  -  the force does feel some stronger

the soul cries out  -  not too much longer

the love long sought by this small band

does in truth feel near at hand

the stirring in the heart grows stronger

raging pain i feel no longer

the mission tho still unfulfilled 

will be complete as thou has willed

and light yet fill the hardest heart

thy love shall reach the darkest part

in time the sorrows past will fade

and truth regain this world you made

for as the story does unfold

eternal love each heart will hold 

sign up

every one seems to want us to sign up

and start sending them money

to see what they are going to do


i am more interested in what life is going to do

and what it will cost me

which is usually no thing

to quit drinking

one must recognize why one is drinking

but if they could face their self

they would not be drinking


except for the novelty of that crap for a while

because of the great boredom of this place in our time

pick pockets

so many look for happiness in someone elses pocket


so few look in their own pocket

perfect all the time

life does not permit us to be perfect all the time

only some of the time


our imperfections are what define us

and make us individuals


guess that means undividable

am not sure


life seems to feel it is important

cause we are all so different

want

people that want a lot

are much easier to take advantage of

the world

and the world is for ever changing

and for ever still

as are we all

greed

a terrible curse to submit to

and so popular in our time


and why i have no use for modern religions

and other popular stuff

the moon

the moon rises

as it does tonight

and the moon sets

as it will on another night


the moon is never still

and forever still

when a cat wants to shit in my yard

i wish him no ill will

but i don't make it fun for him

the child within

without respect for the child within

we are worse than lost

assumptions

perhaps the most dangerious game of all

miss understanding

perhaps the easiest situation to wind up in

in a world like this


i have taken my turn at that stuff

now

perhaps the only valid word

there may be others

am not sure right now


sure is a stupid word

the law and the outlaw

they are forever one

the bhagavad gita

i like that little book


i like siddhartha too

an obscene word


on can decline with out rejection


it ain't all that hard if you'r willing

enemy

to choose an enemy

is to curse ones self

and our world becomes more violent

and respect for life not even a consideration


and all this crap is just a habit

a conditioned reflex

which is anti life to me

rejection

perhaps the most dangerious of what we have learned to do

one can pass

or even confront

without rejection


all that we reject is still part of our life

as is all that we accept


all that is is our life


rejection can only lead to isolation


our little accepting of this and rejecting that

has gotten us only confusion and conflict


open to all is not popular in our time

information

some people seem to think

that information is knowledge


i am not one of them


i don't even like the word

sounds like no ledge to me

stealing the minds of others

an unholy act

and some thing really bad usually happens


just an observation on my part

am not religious

sex

sex is kind of like the weather

it ain't the same every day


those that try to make it the same every day

miss out on quite a lot

peace

a state we each must find for our self


peace can never imposed


imposed peace is oppression

miss

in the culture i grew up in this time

unmarried women were called miss


another clue i missed


after the first i only married divorced women

now i am the xmiss file

faith

the unborn child

and of little value to the living


mostly just Miss leading

courage

a thing of the past

what do women do

so many have wondered that


even a few women


watch the lions

the lions are another clue


african or american

lions are all the same

they just do it a little different


and i am perhaps womans biggest fan

i like lions


if lions don't bother me

i don't bother lions


now woman

i can not say that about

use

that can not hurt you

unless you use hurt


which is so popular in our time

we shall see

i just love the sound of that phrase

and don't claim to know what love is

yet i still like the sound of those words quite a lot


we shall see

sneeze

just sneezed 5 or 6 times


am probably not going to be right now


we shall see

think

think i will go to bed now


i don't seem to know any better

sale

Life can not be bought or sold

yet at the same time

Life is a sale

fear

fear is perhaps the greatest curse of all

for those that believe in fear

and even more of a curse

for those that use fear as a tool

to get what they think they want

poison

poison is only real

to those that believe in poison

do

do is not a real word

nor is doing


being

being is perhaps the only real word


but i ain't sure

and sure ain't a real word either

did

some one did

and some one did not

that don't work


some one did not

and some one did

that don't work either


no one did any thing

that appears to be the answer to all this crap to me


thing is not a real word

hide

there is no future at all

in hiding from what we are actually doing


yet the system in place

where i have been living

encourages such conduct mercilessly


and mostly demands it

if you wish to show a profit


profit is just another word for lose

Life

Life is the only hope we have

and hope is of no value at all


Truth of our existense is our only validity

and pretty hard ot experience

here in the land of the great deception

the land of eternal lies


that has been my experience


buddas story was a clue

there is no point in seeking Life


siddhartha by herman hesse was my favorite budda translation

a royal birth

to be born into a fancy doll house

for the entertainment of others

who will rarely see you for who you are


for some the doll house ain't so fancy

confession

confession can be good for the soul

but only when we confess to our self

alcohol again

i used alcohol to lose my inhabitions

and sometime lost my self

for a while it sometimes felt like fun

after a while not so much

looking

looking is no way to see

meaning

those that look for meaning

rarely discover truth

alcohol

people use alcohol to do what they want to do

and then blame alcohol for what they are doing

to get sympathy from others they can use

from those sympathy afflicited people


and pity is a grave insult

the power of money

power is always dangerious

the power of money may be the most dangerious of all

few that i have seen respect the power of money


power without restpect for life is a gun in the hand of a child


respect if only valid when for all life


respect can be a harsh mistress

punishment

there is no need to punish anyone

life is its own punishment


those that like to punish others do it for gratification

which is a very dangerious game to play

here in the land of the great silliness

and irrational behaviour


once we were humans being

mostly today we are into mental masterbation

where we were

sometimes we have to go back to where we were

to get past where we were

if we can be with where we were

disapproval

what a terrible crime that has turned out to be

ants

ants are a clue

as are bees

and all the rest of us

catch me if you can

what a young girls look said to me

once a long time ago


am not over that yet

and no longer looking for the cure

where i am

i have much to learn

about where i am

embrace

that which we cannot embrace

will destroy us

snoring

people that snore

don't listen to their own snoring


but some of us do


i heard myself snore a few time

but never got to listen


cause it kept me awake i guess

selfishness

very few examine that facet of their nature

and several claim not to be that way

trust

a stupid word

and of no value at all

if i had only liked people who had liked me

this life would have been much lonlier than it was

courage and faith

a blind mans defense

and of no value at All

words

words can only imply

at best

and often mislead

if we don't know how to listen

creative thinkers

perhaps the greatest curse of our time


awareness is not a product of thought

america

once a beautiful dream for so many

not so much anymore

today

today there are so many

that want so much

and offer so little

courage

a blind mans fantisy

and an old mans dream


old just means to die slowly

now means to die in our own natural time

which sometimes means to be around for a while

yesterday

to mourn for yesterday

or to curse yesterday

is to ignore today

and become lost to what actually is now

control

by far the scariest idea humans have come up with

and the dumbest

and the most dangerious


 the ultimate arrogance and selfishness

and a product of insecurity

and not really an idea at all

just a product of insecurity


which means the parents are not doing their job

and neither are we

pride

another of mankinds many curses

promoted by those that grafify themselves that way

i came in here to say some thing

now i don't remember what it was


it was another time

to be with some one

one has to be willing

to take on a bit of what they are

and where they are being


and that is a whole lot of some thing


some times not so much

a man and a woman being a man and a woman

not to be seen in our time


at least i never saw that manifest

and i have been around some