unless i win the lottery

i should stay within the order

and even if i win the lottery

i should still stay within the order

the land of crippled children

the land that i was born

the littlest sound that i am

is probably the most that i can be

my signature

is much less than i am


i still miss smoking and drinking sometimes

and i am still smoking and drinking

life

life is more than me and you

life is all that we are


and quite a bit more

so life seems to me

single men

only single men

are into smoking and drinking

has been my experience


smoking and drinking has been mostly my experience

politicians

as long as politicians make the laws

which are recommended by those that finance them

we are pretty much left out of the loop as they say

we the people


mostly politicians mostly protect their own position

and we the people get very little consideration

unless we decide not to vote for them

cause then a new crew takes over


management is a sad word

to be on the under side of


no one in their right mind

would be wished to be managed by another


freedom is much more than a word

freedom is also a responsibility

to those that respect the gift

making love

there was a time that phrase applied to human sexuality

but that was a long time ago


religions pretty much put a stop to that situation

and capitalists thrived in that environment

of emasculated men

and subjugated women


as did prostitution and pornography

and child abuse

and a lot of other stuff i don't like talking about


only an insecure male

would subjugate a female


no man would do such a thing

to a female

or anyone else

once i viewed this as my life

until i realized it was our life


a girl i know reminded me of that


and a guy i know

was standing there watching

once i was a fan of glory

not so much any more

the hunger for glory

has brought great suffering to this plane

permanence

those that seek such things

have no concept of what life is

12-21-2012

i don't see an end


i do see change

which is what life forever does

freedom

modern people have no concept of freedom

in their world

every thing has a price

as things often do


but i am not a thing

and neither are you

holding hands

there is a time to hold hands with our self

and a time to hold hands with the other


which some times is me

there is the wanting plane

and the not wanting plane


and the plane of







words elude me

which don't happen all that often

me my self and eye

some people want to be good

and in our time some people want to be bad


good and bad actually have nothing to do

with what actually is


those are just opinions

what we choose to believe

when we don't actually know

and are too afraid to admit our situation


so they just guess


it is pin the tail on the donkey

all over again

weaning us

still wonder about that stuff

courage

courage was my grand mothers name


my name was little boy

the only way to sell a house

would be to say

yes you can have the house


you can pay me what the house is worth to you


maybe not the only way

but probably the most fun

if you were me


am not much for haggling over prices

when life is so priceless

i am happy to be here

and happy to see you


that would have to be

it seems to me

the happiest feeling of all

some still wonder what is the worst that can happen

so few realize

that it already has

when in doubt

be your self

if you make the situation worse for any one

you make it worse for all the rest of us

including your self

cause that is what the rest of us is

time

time is a figment of human imagination

and a serious miss under standing

don't run

don't run away from any thing

just walk away

when it is time

having a script for your life

having a script for your life

before you have lived your life

is one way to miss out on your life


there are others

me and my friend

we are full time guys

but we were born in the time

of part time girls


and a new time is upon us

that remains to be seen


sex every third tuesday in june

just don't seem natural to me


to me it seems regulated

and am no fan of rules and regulations


that crap restricts freedom of expression


scheduling is just another form of control


and the emptiness

just becomes deafening

now

some people and other creations

work in the now


some work for the future

and some for the past

the thinker

a statue i have seen

and ridiculed so many times

until i found my self being there


escapism is a harsh mistress to serve

what i want

when what i want became so important to me

what i do not want became equally important to me


now that is a clue

fears

when fears are not faced

we give them the power to rule us

Narcissus and Goldman

a book by Herman Hesse

that i read a long time ago


was about the duality we experience here

it seemed to me


i liked the book a lot

fear

my conduct with myself

has allowed what that word represents

to become far to great and influence on my self


and i have cultivated that situation

of my own free will

cause i didn't know what i was doing


until a friend reminded me of what he had seen

and i remembered something about my self


and i had been abusing the child that i am

life

what do one do

when life is down there on the floor

and life ain't got no floor

the secrets we keep from our self

one way to seperate our self from our self

from life


life has no secrets

life is all that is


all those people you like

and all those people you do not like

and all that other stuff

that is what we are

am pretty sure

am pretty sure

they don't play foot ball in nepal

but may be they do

i do not know for sure

running

when we run from what we are afraid of

we only run from ourselves

and wind up alone


wind up is probably a clue

as is a loan

mary

a pretty word

probably once a pretty girl


and i am definitely not religious

but i really like the girls

the old ones

sometimes the young ones

think the old ones know something


mostly they don't

but they were there

which makes them old ones


and of limited value

to the new ones

the girls

if it were not for the girls

this stuff would not be worth doing


and most of the girls i have known

have no idea what i just said

and still wonder if i like them

governments

govern ments


governments lie

as has become their nature again in our time


freedom can be a scary word

depending on where one is with ones self


and security is such a stupid word

because that word lacks freedom

hey noam

you still out there


have been hiding out for a while my self

and wondered about you


that's an email i didn't send tonight

the flames

the flames go up

and water goes down

and wood tries to bridge the gap

and air is in be tween

when we seek a machine

that will tell us what to do

we go in harms way


and logic is a mechanical part of our self

and not all that natural


good judgement is only valid

if one is judgmental

and am not a big fan of that crap

although i have been there

an old man

what i am getting to be

never expected to get to be that


careful kind of bored me

little old frady cat that i am

we may not always get the feet we want

but we always get the feet we need

has been my experience


always is actually pronounced all ways

smoke

smoke goes up

as does fire

water goes down


and that's the way it is


the wind can push us around

and life often or sometimes does


my friend has an office

but he is not an officer


what does one do

as our gods die at our feet

we be who we are

if your me

we are not all the same

that is what factories do


life is not a factory


life is random chance

in all directions at once

without ever leaving home

is what i have seen

need

we don't actually need anything

but sometimes we think we do


only the seriously retarded think


awareness is not a product of thought

although it sometimes tries to be


and being is not through effort found

fear and rejection

rejection is a response to fear


to reject others

is to lose a part of our self

and life is an affirmation

and not a lose

life

most of the time

life is pretty scary

sometimes not so much


and the result of all that little stuff

in some ways is me

be quiet with your self

if you can't do that

there ain't much reason to continue this conversation


and those barking dogs out there

ain't really all that import ant


they are the nonsense

that we are taking far too seriously

what do you do

what do you do

when you got no place to go


obviously you be where you are

as one can

losing

losing some thing

most of us are very afraid of that situation


capitalism is a disease

secrets

the  most dangerous ones

are the ones we keep from ourselves

and the lies we tell our self and others

to keep the secret hidden from view


no openness in that situation

no real direct experience of our true nature


living a lie may seem like fun for a while

but it leads to serious problems

sooner or later


our truth is all we really have

and living a lie is cheating our self

and all those others we be with

home

actually have no concept of home


home is where ever i am


whether i like it or not

right and wrong

to believe in either one

is to have a serious misunderstanding

first we choose

and then we loose

has been my experience

dangerous

we are only dangerous

when we reject our self

that which we were born to be

war

so popular in our time

am no longer a fan of war

and have not been for a long time


i still remember how terrible it can be

and to forget would be to be ignorant again


courage is a game for idiots


have been there

simplicity

perhaps the greatest gift of all

hope

perhaps the dumbest idea of all

the carrot we dangle in front of our self

spelling

never got very good a spelling

cause i don't really care

loaning

the only safe way to loan

is to not be concerned with getting it back

anything else is dangerous

for all of us

secrets

keeping secrets from our self

is an unwholly act

and leads to unwholly action

and we become vulnerable to others

that pursue unwholly acts and actions

what we want

is the source of our limitations

money

perhaps the greatest curse of all


the human experience is being distorted

by the unnatural environment

that money has created


money is not a creation of nature

money is the creation of man

and we were better off without it

but i do like a hot shower


we come here

and we leave here

which is the gift

if we don't interfere with our self too much

the american dream

was just a dream

with no respect for natural order

or awareness of what actually is


awareness is not a product of thought

but the mess we see in our world is

who do you love

when you can't love your self

the word of man

something i have not yet stood up to


cause it kind of scares me


once i was probably a woman

although i don't remember that anymore

suffering

my friends have found it pretty terrible

to take part in where i am


as have i

the laundry basket

a place that i have been

Neglected Aspects of Sufi Study

by Idries Shah


a little book i have been reading


again


i am a small man

as is my nature


my father

and the occasional friend

was a great man


and a couple of girls i have known

what do you get

what do you (meaning me) get

when you don't give the girl

what she wants


usually nothing


we shall see what today has in store

exercising

i was exercising because i was afraid

which is the wrong reason to do anything

being rejected

being rejected is the most difficult

when by those that have been accepted

liars

liars cultivate narrow mindedness in me


am not a big fan of that crap

and actually it really pisses me off


but i still like life as it actually is

even though it is sometimes hard

and sometimes soft

and sometimes not there at all

wanting

there is what you want from me

and don't want from me

and what i have to offer


heaven and hell are states of being

and certainly not locations